These principles are derived from direct experience. We’ve found that by living in accord with this ethic, life is richer, more meaningful, people like us more, and we end up helping others more.
The principles have served us as a guide to everyday life. But they also concern those special moments in which everything feels meaningful and of great importance. When we enter into an interaction with others, the regular rules of life can dissolve, and the boundaries of truth and reality can become blurry. These moments of heightened awareness and meaning require great care.
Do not betray the principles of interaction. The feeling we know as regret is the strongest evidence we have that these principles are true.
Trust your experience, intuition, instinct, and wisdom. Listen deeply to what you truly feel, and do not attempt contradict your own experience.
Do not contradict others’ experience. While it is possible to be wrong, it is impossible for experience to be in error. The only way to earn another’s trust is to acknowledge the reality of their experience. Do what is required to let others know you are part of the story they themselves are a part of.
Power is everywhere and is constant. When you enter into an interaction, you are playing with power.
You have a moral duty to reality test your assumptions, because when you enter into an interaction, you are dealing with the boundaries of consent.
Do not enter into a vulnerable interaction with someone unless you respect them. If you are not ready to meet somebody as an equal, in the power differences between you you will cause them harm.
Because we know how weak and pathetic we are, and how often the people who love us have no other choice but to assume our needs and intents without our explicit verbal expression, it is also our duty to take this stance of caring for others.
You must assume you are worthy. You are entitled to other people’s time and attention, because that is also what you give to them. Because you go further for others you are enabled to ask without shame.
Trust a lot, verify a lot, and if something feels off then go all in on all avenues to learn the truth. Then use all avenues for recourse or justice. If you have the privilege to, be the person who says yes to a situation that involves righting a moral wrong.
When you show up in the fullest possible way, with the greatest possible presence, you create the conditions for magic to occur. You are choosing to remain open to the small and great serendipities of life.
If you feel the pull at the fringes of consciousness for the flow state, you can “step in” to what is there. By stepping in, you cease being yourself and become what the situation is calling for. Give yourself permission, and give others around you permission to step into this larger narrative.
This is a powerful space but not a morally coded one. Serendipity does not have a moral bent. It is neither good nor bad.
If you trust your experience of becoming more free, and you pass on this wisdom, through your actions other people may become more free.
Find the limits of these principles. Be concerned with truth, and establish your own wisdom. If you find a correction, send our team a note: team@interactionprinciples.org or check out how else you can contribute.